The calm before the storm

This is the beginning.
This is my last chance.
It's a calm place to be in a sense.. The panic hasn't set in.  I've had "day one" many many times.  It usually starts with a declaration to the world that "this is it! I'm quitting drinking!" Followed by rounds of loud full bodied laughter from all of those who surround me. often there's also the professors as I call them. People who seem to know the ins and outs of my life without knowing me at all. Without any questions they'll gladly let me know what I "just need". For example "you just need to calm down! Everybody drinks! It's not a big deal!"
It's hard for me to not  be frustrated with people who don't know me well enought to tell me what I supposedly need.
Here's the thing. It's rock bottom. I've hit it before and it nearly cost me my life.
Sitting at home drinking day and night when I'm alone isn't simple party girl behavior.
This isn't cute anymore, and it hasn't been for years.
This is my final attempt  to save my life. I can't live like this anymore.
Day one is almost officially over. My record is four days (I've never made it past the evening of day four.)
This is the calm before the storm, because after this comes the hell I'll have to endure.