I'm the worst person in the entire world and I can't help myself

Ughhh

Holy fuck I just want to fucking drink so bad tonight and it's making me madddd

New hobbies

I've recently fallen in love with yoga and meditation. I never used to do either of these things. I also used to think yoga looked silly like some sort of lazy persons exercise and I imagined self righteous bimbos doing yoga half assed then eating ice cream in their yoga pants and congratulating eachother on a hard work out. I truly understand it now.

Through yoga and meditation I am able to visualize so many things. I visualize my happiness, my sadness I'm leaving behind, and I visualize nature and health. I'm able to clearly feel the warm sun on my skin, the grass and flowers under my toes, and the water rushing in the distant.  I picture my old self, and my future self. My future self comforts my old self, holds her close and whispers that everything will be okay and that one day soon I will become her.

This all sounds so cheesy and silly but it's beautiful in my mind. 

I will keep going. 

I see no bottles in my future. I see purity 

Day 29

Tomorrow will mark another milestone for me and I can't wait! I'm not tempted to drink at all to be honest. That's a shocker for me.

My health is incredible. 

I love eating and drinking so purely.

Aside from feeling clearmindedness, my weight has gone from 160 pounds to 147. That's incredible! My skin is glowing,  my breath is better, work life, relationship, sex life, over all happiness.

My depression is seemingly gone.

Amazing. 

Can't stop won't stop

Day 21

Yesterday felt good. It was a milestone for me. I never thought I would surpass 20 days of sobriety. I'm finally able to look back at the past 10+ years and see just how much I used alcohol to try and deal with all of my problems, and just how much it failed and made things worse each and every time. I've been getting recognized at work constantly from my high energy, high sales, and clients writing in saying how much they were pleased with me. This is amazing because I used to think coming to work hungover and dragging my bitter self around all day didn't impact my work life.. It did. 

I know I'm in a positive place, and that I'll continue to be happy if I keep this up. 

The clear view of the world

I've been so clouded.

But I had no idea. I always knew I drank too much... Even more than people who say they drink too much.. But in the past 16 days of sobriety I realized just clouded I've been.

I see others who are clouded now, and I feel for them.

I see people wake up miserable and exhausted. Bitterly shoving eachother down the street , feeling desperate before that first morning coffee they "need". I see people go to work unhappy and stuff their faces full of caffiene and aweful processed foods that make them feel even more miserable but they are so clouded by this "normal" routine they feel these feelings are just normal feelings because they are used to it. They finish their day, probably yell at some 15 year old working in retail and then head home to comfort themselves with more processed garbage washed down with an excess of booze to forget how much they wish they could change their lives... And end the evening with some self loathing while they stare at the ceiling in bed wondering how this ended up being life and dread the next day.

This doesn't have to be life. Because that is not living. No wonder people are dropping like flies at an early age. 

When I'm tempted to drink I think of those miserable days... The days when I told myself I could never be happy and I cried and cried and hated my life.

Everyday i will fuel myself with love and health, pure foods, and I never want to drink again. I really hope this strength lasts 

Two weeks sober! Wow!

Had some temptation near the end of this week but holy shit I'm actually doing this thing. I'm being healthy as hell (minus the bit of weekend snacking too much) and I'm sober and happy. Now that I've got a few weeks under my belt I keep thinking how I don't want a drink because I'd hate to ruin they progress. I'm excited to add another day to my sobriety every day. I'm excited about a sober summer and bettering my life each day. Yesterday nick bought me this dreamy vintage bike. It's kind of adorable, and I know I won't get wasted, crash it and be sad. I'm gonna keep doing this thing. I'm going to be a picture of health perfection, and maybe someday help others to do the same. The change is worth it. It's not lame to be sober. I'm not deprived. I'm finally living